Thursday, 8 March 2012

'Venice' to Kovalam beach

Arrived in ‘Venice’ and after an hour’s hard bargaining and finally find a room. We take a stroll along the ‘Venice’ canal... Dirty water, bird shit stained overgrown trees and bird shit stained broken pavements...Venice?!
After the hard day of travelling we decide to have a ‘few’ social beverages and bump into some Swedish boys. An hour’s search later we eventually find a restaurant which sells alcohol.  Drink some beers and try to chat with the Swedes but they have the personality of a teaspoon so we make our excuses and leave.
When we arrive back at our place there is a group of young Indian dudes sitting in the car park. We say hello, hitch a ride on the back of one of the guy’s motorbikes and buy some rum and coke. The guys have a few drinks and then break out into various dance moves of the caterpillar, the ski walk, the shuffle, the moonwalk and back flips.  It’s brilliant fun and we must have laughed for an hour whilst Sorcha pumped tunes from her phone, before teaching the boys how to ‘shuffle’.
We sit on the roof of our hotel till the ‘wee’ hours learning all about their culture, arranged marriages, affairs and girl talk. They ask lots of questions about our culture, lives and boys and wish they could live like us. I am so lucky to be able to live how I choose. It’s like one big cult here.
A bit rusty the next morning we jump aboard a 7 hour boat along the back waters of Kerala to reach Kovalam Beach. Lovely views of palm trees, clean water, villages and  happy local people flash past us.This is a really pretty part of India.
Six hours pass and the boat gets stuck in the mud as it’s gone in shallow water. I am packing all my valuables into my waterproof ‘emergency’ dry bag whilst Leanne and Sorcha take the piss out of me. Everyone on the boat is looking and I could not  give a fuck as long as I’m near an exit and a life ring. Even though the water is shallow It’s still terrifying as water is my biggest fear!
The boat finally sort’s itself out and we dock into Kovalam. Three local buses and a taxi ride follow and after a 15 hour day we arrive in Kovalam Beach.
Hotels ,restaurants, jewellery shops, souvenir shops line the man made lit up  promenade along the beach. Sun beds and umbrellas line the black sand and the massive waves on the rough sea sir in the background. Hello Benidorm! Find a great room on the beach and head out to ‘cafe del mar’ cafe for dinner in which the menu is priced in EUROS?! What the hell.?! I ASKED THE WAITER COULD WE PAY in Euros but we could’nt, ha ha.
Everything here is made for package holiday makers and probably 90 percent of the holiday makers here are over 60 with orange tans, white socks and sandals and dodgy hats.
Lying on the black sand a Sudanese man calling himself ‘DJ.Boombastic’ struts past and gives us a flyer. Every sentence he says ends with ‘Boombastic’ and a figer click. We decide to go to Mr.Bombastic’s party which starts at 10pm and finishes at 6!! 6 am!? Everywhere in India closes at 10pm so this is going to be a good night for us!
Drink a bottle of rum between us with dinner and head to ‘Spice Village’. The tunes are pumping from techno to trance and Mr.Boombastic is dripping sweat all over the decks whilst dancing crazily and screaming Boombastic into the air. There are3 Indian’s in here and 3 hippies bouncing a tennis ball to each other across the dance floor? Move onto the next bottle of rum and decide to drink the night away.It feels like a million degrees and we are dripping with sweat in this tiny dance hole. In walks a group of guys who look a bit tropical and we get talking. They are Arab’s from Baghdad, Dubai and Iraq and are all studying mathematics in India. We share stories whlist me and Leanne have a debate over my opinions on Sep 11th.
A few hours of shuffling follow and we have a swim in the sea and then the hotel pool.
Next morning we are hanging and head the black beach for a day of relaxation. The arab’s come and join us and we are too hung over to talk . One of them shows off and starts doing push ups next to our bed and telling us storie’s  about  how he can play the drums, sing, dance and basically do anything that he thinks can impress a girl?
We go for dinner and the bill comes. The arab’s won’t let us pay and we won’t le t them pay so after half hour arguing we reluctantly  agree and  let them do what they do in their culture. They invited us so it means they pay? I need to find an Arab to invite me ravelling for a year haha...It’s so different how everybody lives all over the world and I love learning about all these different lives, cultures and people.
Ayurveda the science of life has been developed in India since the earliest times and is the nations civilisation. Eveything from medicine to oils is made from herbs and is 100 percent natural. We decide to get a massage.
I am taken into a hot room with no fan or A/C and told to sit on the wooden stool in the middle of the floor. The lady then tells me to strip and I strip to my underwear. She then signs me to remove my underwear as she cant speak English and within seconds I am naked ,feeling very weird and shy.
She pours oil on my freshly washed hair and starts to rub my head vigourously. This is not pleasant and I can feel my hair breaking with each hard rub. Then she rubs my whole body down with hot oil whilst beads of sweat drip off her body onto me. She stinks, the oil stinks, the room stinks and now I fuckin stink this is not relaxing at all. I’m then told to lie on the rubber bed which has no towel or sheet on so I am slipping all over the joint trying to lie down. She makes me lie on my stomach and starts rubbing me up and down.She’s rubbing my ass, my inner thigh and I am feeling a bit un comfortable. She turns me over and starts rubbing my front. Her hands are circling and cupping my boobs and I’m feeling a bit weird. She then starts rubbing my legs and stroking my vagina?! I am freaking out now and start fidgeting and pretend to scratch my leg whilst knocking her hand.She pats me and starts tickling my toes, feet and legs. 10 min later its over and I quickly get dressed well try to get dressed. I’m oiled up and everything is sticking to me and I just need to get out. Pay her 10$ run home and get showered. Never again do I want an Indian massage!
Yesterday was Holi day in India. It is a day I will never forget my whole life and probably the highlight of the trip so far. But I’m too tired to write anymore so stay tuned for  a tale of love, paint, music, life, celebration, motorbike accidents and culture!

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