Saturday, 19 May 2012


Up until today I have not wrote about ‘wankers’ in the blog so I do not worry my mum and dad.But after today’s wanking incident I want to tell you all about the ‘Indian wankers.’
My first ‘wanker’ experience was in Shimla. Me,Sorcha,Kiera,Steve and Sally where strolling down the street and a lad of about 25 ran past us and stood in a door way at the side of the street.We thought he was having a pee.He then turned to face us and started wanking.What did we do?We just walked past him, not uttering a word,we were shocked and disgusted but what do you do? Steve started pulling out wanking jokes and we just carried on as normal.Thats the thing in India nothing suprises me anymore.Around every corner there is something weird and just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder BAM! A wanker pops out!
A few weeks after that I seen a man wanking in a bus station whilst I was sitting on a bench waiting for a bus.He was standing at the side of a bus wanking looking straight at me.I moved where I could not see him and where he could not see me and carried on eating my samosa.
A few nights ago  I was walking home from school,it was dark and I was alone.I seen the Indian man in front of me standing in the road and did not notice he had his lil indian penis out.As I got closer I realised he did and speeded up walking to the left of him.You know when you walk down the street and someone is in your way,you are both going in the same direction and you sort of do a dance to get past each other?It was like that.He just stood there wanking,I moved left,he moved left,Imoved right,he moved right. When I finally pushed past him I ran for my life whilst screaming ‘sister fucker’ down the street.Sister fucker,a bit like mother fucker is the worst sware word you can say to an Indian.That is the first time I have used this word in India.He was really skinny and I probably could have smashed him but it terrified me.
 To top it all off last night I was in bed.There are bars on my windows and the windows were locked.I was watching 8 mile with my headphones in and seen something in the corner of my eye.The window is about 3 ft from my bed.The light was off in my room and I could see that there was someone peeping through the window.All I could see was eyes and a nose.My stomach was turning,my heart beating fast and I just did’nt know what to do!! Itried to feel around for my phone without him noticing and set off the ring tone.I then pretended to speak to my invisible friend who would be coming to my room in a few minutes.He stayed there a few secs then ran off.I jumped up and checked all the locks before jumping under the covers.I stayed under the covers all night.I could not sleep for hours.I think it was probably one of the most scariest moments in India-apart from when I had weed in my pants and thought we were going the police station!I reported it to my hotel manager  today and he told me not to worry nobody can get into my room,keep it  locked..Well, that makes it ok then?
Today at school I cried with laughter. Mr.long gave me his note pad to write something down.I turned to the back page and there were various questions he had wrote.
‘’Have you ever had sex with a goat? Have you ever had sex with a dog? Have you had a penis in your ass?’’ He was bright red with embarrassment as was I, but I was trying to keep my laugh in.
‘’Have you asked anybody these questions?’’ I asked. He told me no. ‘’OK. Well make sure you don’t.Or you will never get an English girlfriend.OK?’’ He agreed and took back his book.
I had tears rolling down my face.The other men wanted to see what the comotion was about and dragged the book off him.They did not find it funny .One of the monks could not understand and Mr.Long tried to translate, I cut him off and we moved onto our next subject. Homosexuality.
One of the men asked me do I know anybody that is gay.When I said yes the class was amazed and started asking all sorts of questions.I decided to use Andy and Pauli as my subjects and told them how they met,how they got married and showed them photographs of the happy couple. ‘’But they are so handsome,why can’t they find a girlfriend?’’ “How will they have children?” “Do you think it is ‘normal?’” I was bombarded with questions and after an hour of debating about ‘gay people’ only one of the group thought it was sort of ‘ok’.
In Tibet when a man marries a woman if he has a brother/s it is tradition that the brother shares his wife with the other brother/s. I explained to them how in the UK we do not do that and they must understand cultures are different.I told them if this happened with my Brothers there would be a murder. It’s funny they thought sharing their wife was fine but homosexuality was not normal.They told me in the west they hear about divorce,break ups,affairs etc and in Tibet everybody is happy.So  I asked my student  who lives with his brother and his wife and 3 kids,
 “So your wife.When you come here to school, you say bye bye to your wife and she says bye bye to you and then she makes love to your brother?”  “Yes” he replied laughing at my honesty. I asked him who the kids call father? He said the two eldest call him dad and the brother uncle but the youngest child calls them both father. Very confusing, but  I agree with him if it works why not? They are all happy and not hurting anybody so why the hell not?
Mr.Long then asked me would I like it. “No,one man is enough for me”I replied. “That is good!I have no brothers!” He said. The class erupted in laughter. Mr.Long is hilarious and quick.Any chance he gets to hit on me he will but in a jokingly way. Today’s class was fun, I left giggling thinking of all the random shit we chat about.
Today I feel like shit.I am hot,sweaty,weak,I have diorheaa and a massive headache.I keep feeling like I want to be sick but can’t. I cancelled school today and spent the day sleeping,shit,sleeping,shit and then spend thenight vomiting.
I can’t find the strength to get to the Doctors which is a hike up the 184 stairs that lead to the main road so I stay at the hotel drinking lots of water. Tseng texts me and tells me if I need anything to call her.Bless her.
Last night I got so scared something serious was going to happen to me I got the hotel manager’s mobile number and asked could I call him if I was scared or needed a doctor.I spent half the night on all fours vomitting nothing with massive stomach cramps.
Today I seen something I did not want to see in the toilet.WORMS.Little,skinny,white wriggly worms are coming out of my ass.Shit! Time to go the doctors.It took me a while getting up the stairs in the blistering heat,I was borking with the smell of the sewer that runs down every Indian street and felt like I was going to faint.I ran to a local shop and asked the man could I sit in the shade of his shop for a bit. Ten min later I was walking to the doctors feeling like death.4 hours later and I had a bag of pills,some electrolyte powder and a diagnosis of a stomach bug and worms.He told me I must have had a bit of dirt under my nail or something before I ate.Great.There is a reason for cutlery INDIA!!! God damn it! I buy some anti bacterial gel for my hands and sware to use it every hour of the day. Roll on Australia and cutlery!I will have probably forgotten how to use a fork and knife by the time I am back!
 I see and smell sewers everyday in India but today my body could not take it.I dry retched all the way home from the doctors whilst people gave me strange looks along the way.
Today I feel a bit better and have only been sick once.I still have diorheaa and worms.
Last night I was up vomitting but I feel fine today so I am going to school.
Just finished school.My class told me I did not look handsome today.To be fair I look like shit but I feel a lot  better.I can’t sit still the worms are wriggling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today I feel fresh and healthy and after 3 days of eating only 2 slices of toast and beans I ate a bowl of plain rice and vegetable momo.Momo how I have missed you.I did feel fine until a few hours later. Toilet!!!!! I am so glad I am in a room with a normal toilet.God bless you western toilet you are my saviour today.
 Another day and I have no squits,no pains but my little wormy visitors are still here.At school today I met another teacher from Liverpool who is taking my place and we figured out we know each others friends.He has not seen his friend who is my mate’s father in 20 years.Weird,it really is a small world.
I told my class I it was my last lesson today, printed them off some photographs and wrote them a nice card. They were very appreciative and  sad. Mr.Long in particular had tears in his eyes when we hugged.He also tried to cop a feel of my ass when we took photos..hahah he cracks me up! They presented me with a white scarf which the Tibetan people use as an offering(puja) or blessing and gave me lots of hugs and handshakes. I was really sad but stayed strong and never cried(in front of them.)
When I left the class I checked my emails and to my delight I have been given a place on a ‘Introduction to Buddhism’ course. A ten day course involving meditation, philosophy teachings , and all things to do with Buddhism. I am so excited and happy . I will not speak for 10 days which I am fine about and hope at the end of the course I know a lot more about Buddhism, how to meditate and I hope I will have gained ‘something’ from this experience.  There will be no laptop,mobile phone,internet ,no talking,no caffiene or connection with the outside world so I am going to sneak in a note pad and write daily so I can update the blog on my release! So, it looks like I am not leaving McLeod Ganj at all , well not just yet.My class will be so happy when I surprise them tomorrow!I will have another 4 days here before my course begins in the Tushita monestry in Dharamkot. If you would like to see what I am doing and where I am going click on

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